My people left me behind for the day, so I thought maybe I could tell you about my life, because people really don’t pay enough attention to dogs.
My man is named Jonathan and my lady is named Lacey. Lacey wears really nice shoes; some of them are shiny and I like to lick those, and there is one pair with bows that I like a lot. One day I know she will let me eat one of the bows, or maybe both of them. I try to show her that that is the thing that I want most in the world, by licking them and jumping onto her feet when she wears them, but she does not like that.
Jonathan plays with me, with the rope that he gave me when I first came to live with them. Sometimes he lets me have one end in my mouth, and he holds the other one in his hand, and we pull and pull until he has to let go of the rope and I win. I think if he held it in his mouth, too, he sometimes would win, but he is not smart enough to figure that out.
My favorite part of the day is when I get to eat food. I know that my food is kept in a drawer in a desk in my bedroom. Sometimes Jonathan and Lacey forget where it is kept, so I have to show them by standing beside the drawer and barking. Then they remember and they give me scoops of the yummy food. One time I got so excited, I wanted to thank Lacey for feeding me so I tried to give her a hug, but I stepped in the bowl and my food went everywhere. I tried to show her that I did not mind eating off of the floor, but she cleaned it up anyway. She missed some pieces though, and I ate those later for a snack.
My least favorite part of the day is in the morning when I really have to go potty, and it takes Lacey so long to come let me out. When she does, I try to invite her to come along, but she doesn’t. She stands in the doorway and waits. So I run as fast as I can outside, and I go potty, and run inside. Sometimes I run so fast that I crash into the car, or slide on leaves. That is not fun, and Lacey laughs at me.
I am not allowed to leave my bedroom. There is a whole big house here, but I have to stay in my bedroom. I do not like this, but when I try to explain that, they will not listen. So I like to drag all of my toys and my blanket and my food bowl into the doorway of the bedroom, so I can get as close to Jonathan and Lacey as possible. I want them to know that I love them, so I try to show them by telling them, or by kissing their shoes. They do not seem to understand that is what I am saying, though.
Sometimes, they put me Outside. Outside is a very big place. I have a big wooden fence to keep me safe, but it is such a big place that I still get a little scared. They usually give me my rope and my water bowl to keep me company, but it is still scary. There are funny looking cats with big fluffy tails that live there, and it seems to be their Outside, and I do not want to make them mad, so I stay far away from them. Lacey says that makes me a strange dog, but I think it makes me a responsible one. I have a hole that I have dug underneath a window. It is warm and safe and I can hear my peoples’ voices from there, so I know they haven’t left me. There has been talk of me moving Outside permanently, when I am bigger, so I am doing my best to stay small and be good so that that day does not come.
I also do not like Bathtime. It is very wet and cold and my shampoo smells funny. But sometimes after Bathtime Jonathan points a black tool at me and it sprays nice warm air. I do like that part.
Jonathan likes to play a game he calls “Lion King” with me too. He hold me up in the air so I can see very far away, and sings a funny song. He thinks I like it, but Lacey says I do not, and she is right. It is scary up there, and it makes my belly feel strange.
Well that is all about my life. I think you can see it is very exciting, but also boring in some parts.
I love you very much.
PS, I forgot to tell you about my bear! It is my favorite toy. It is soft and it squeaks when I jump on it. I like to cuddle with it at night.
That is all.