Happy Birthday, Dear Anna…

To read all of Anna’s story, visit her mom’s blog and start from the beginning: Carrying Anna

It is worth your time, but keep tissues nearby.

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March 26, 2012

March 28, 2012

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One year ago today, Jonathan and I were in a car driving furiously from Alaska to Alabama. We had already put in a few very long days, and had several more very long days ahead of us, we knew.

We had been in Alaska for a little less than six months, and the decision to go home had happened very quickly… it was a whirlwind of making the choice to leave, packing, cleaning, saying goodbyes and getting in the car to drive away.

We had a sweet little niece on the way, you see, and she wasn’t expected to live for very long. We were quite determined to at least try to be there for a little bit of her life.

On March 27, we drove through Watson Lake, in Canada. We had stopped in this tiny little town on our way up, and we had stayed in a little motel (called A Nice Motel) that had wi-fi. Jonathan parked right outside the building and used his cell phone to connect to wi-fi and call his brother via Skype.

That’s when we learned that Anna had been born, and was actually a couple of hours old. She was being held and loved on and adored by her entire family… except for us. And we knew then that we weren’t going to make it in time to meet her.

We got home a couple of days after Anna’s funeral. We’ve seen pictures of her, heard stories of Anna’s Day, but we never got to meet her. Everyone says she looked just like her sister, Abby, but we didn’t get to experience that in person. We didn’t get to hold her or feel her warmth or touch her soft hair.

Her big brother’s birthday was this last weekend. We went to his party. He was turning five, and the party was full of loud, hyper, excited children. I sat there and watched them play and couldn’t help but think about if Anna had been there. It would have been approaching her first birthday, and maybe she would have let me hold her while her mom and dad ran around and took care of party business. Or maybe she would have already been walking, and far too interested in all the excitement to sit still and let someone hold her.

I hope this doesn’t make me seem like a bad aunt… but I felt a special affection for Anna, because she was going to be the first niece/nephew born since I married into the family. She was never going to know life without Aunt Lacey in it. The other three probably won’t remember it, but for her it would be a fact. I work near where she is buried, and occasionally I go by there to say hello, or to eat lunch with her when the weather is pretty. Today when I went by, someone else had left her a balloon. =)

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I want to be part of her birthday party, with pink balloons and ice cream and cake and presents wrapped in girly paper with curly ribbons on top. I want to watch her grow up with her sister, play dress up and house with them now, and talk to them about boys and life when they’re older.

We’re going to have one serious birthday party when we’re all together in heaven. And the way this family eats ice cream, it is going to take a LOT to make up for all the time that will have been lost.

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3 comments

  1. Lacey, as always, an absolutely beautiful story from your heart. Loretta and I certainly relate. We went through this twice, Joey Paul and Danny Jay. It’s going to be a wonderful Birthday Party in Heaven!! Thank you so much. You have divine (God-given) talent. – Uncle Ray

  2. You have me in tears, sweet sister. I think we share a common trait–our feelings are best expressed written. You have beautifully expressed yours, and it means so very much. We wish you had been there, too, but you certainly were in spirit. We visited Anna’s grave Sunday. I’m so glad the balloon survived the past few windy days and remained for Anna’s birthday. Thank you for visiting her gravesite. I can’t get there as often as I’d like to. Love you, Lacey.

    1. Thank you, Misty… I’m glad the balloon survived, too. =) I’m glad that someone else understands how I am able to express myself in writing so much better than spoken words!

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