“I’d like one identity, please.”

And the adventure continues!

Yesterday morning found me making multiple phone calls in an attempt to protect my identity… something that is, at the same time, much simpler and much more difficult than I could have imagined.

Simple, because all you have to do is make a phone call. You call in, tell an automated man that your stuff was stolen, give him all of your information, and then a block is placed on your life so that you can not do anything without getting a phone call about it. Very convenient, but I feel that it could get old after a while. Hopefully this is all resolved soon and I will not have to keep track of myself for long.

Difficult, because when I got connected to a real person to finish the process up, she could not speak English.
Well, that’s not true… but she had the heaviest Indian accent I have ever heard in my life. I understood about every fifth word she said. It was ridiculous.

And we had communication issues. She would ask me a question, I would think she said something else, I would give her the answer to the question I thought was asked, and the whole conversation would go into a tailspin.

Plus, she didn’t really seem to know what she was doing.
She asked me a series of multiple choice questions, to ensure that I was who I am, I suppose.
She asked things like, “Which of these streets have you lived on?” and then gave me four choices- the fourth being “none of the above” (which was ALWAYS the right answer).
My favorite was when she asked, “Which of these cities have you lived in?” The answer was none of the above, I said. But she said,

“No, the correct answer is Chatum. C-H-A-T-U-M.”
I blinked. “Ma’am, I have never heard of that city in my LIFE.”
“Okay then, no problem… we will go on to the next question.”

And she went on to the next question. I’m so very glad that she knows what she’s doing.

And then, she asked me to please look up my credit score so that we can watch it closely over the next few months.
“I don’t have a credit score,” I told her.
“That is okay… no problem. If you could just check your credit score, that would be great.”
“I don’t have a credit score.”
“That is alright, no problem, ma’am. Now, if you could just check your credit score…”
“No, ma’am… see, I don’t HAVE a credit score.”
“I understand what you are saying, but if you could just check your credit score…”
“You don’t understand what I’m saying. I do NOT have a credit score. As in, I don’t own one. At all. There is no credit score out there with my name on it.”
“Very well, ma’am. I’m sorry about that. I will give you a few moments to get on the internet and check what your credit score is, then.”

And it went like that for a good fifteen minutes.

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One comment

  1. And might i add…If you haven’t heard Lacey’s heavy Indian accent…those last few lines just aren’t nearly as funny! Just picture Lace using her heavy Indian accent every time the lady on the phone talks lol! It’s good stuff. =)

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